Diving

Today was the first time I felt like myself in a while. The one thing that connects me most with the ocean is the fact my dad was dropped to lay at rest there. So when it comes to the ocean that’s my life end of story. Today was the second time I went diving without him, each time it hurts but weirdly enough I can feel his presence when I’m there when I’m happy like he’s watching me.

The hardest thing about realizing the loss of a parent is accepting it. Within the last few months I have dove into a new world, new school, new friends, new start. Why you ask I still feel empty? I truly do believe in healing and I believe that everything gets better with time but somethings so traumatic will always leave a hole in my heart and I’m not trying to be all sappy and sad it’s just at the end of the day he’s not there. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and going to the beach and just not talking to him but Innoway spending time with him spending time on my self reflecting on the good things in life pulling together the strength I need to get through the days.

I won’t give up no matter how hard my days become, no matter how heavy my heart gets no matter what happens around me that’s out of my control I won’t give up. I want to be able to look up and no my dad is proud I wanna be able to make him proud and make myself proud of the daughter he raised I want to better myself for him.

In one of my classes we had to reflect on what was the most important lesson learned in life. For me that is always tell people you love them no matter what you’re going through, no matter what’s on your mind show others you care. One day you might wake up in your world will be taken from under you without hesitation.

It’s OK to not be 0K andit’sOK to have hard days you just have to pull together enough to take that breath and continue, push past all the bullshit.

Whether you know it or not you’re important in your life matters everything happens for a reason and you just have to continue to be hopeful of the outcome and optimistic in order to live a peaceful life.