Big pill to swallow.

At the end of the day it all comes down to where your heart resides. At times your heart and feel heavy weight down by the world around you. I never truly understood being alone and being lonely until this year. The biggest lesson I’ve learned in the biggest pill to swallow is the only person you can trust is yourself. As sad as that sounds I get it now I do. I invest myself in relationships trying to make things work desperately looking for a positive for conversation but I’m distant. It comes in waves, my depression has always been bad and I’ve never really opened up about it but here we go I guess LOL. I wish that sometimes I could just let shit out just talk things out let it go. It would be so much better for my mentality. it sucks growing up because you finally understand this. People are selfish no one cares about anything but themselves and for the people that do care about you that’s good for them but most of the time they’re just looking for self benefit out of your situation. I wish I could just trust one person. That’s all I asked one person to just listen to me for once just hear me out. I have so much bottling up inside me. I’m overwhelmed, I’m mentally drained, I’m exhausted. Depression is real and not being able to get things out on the table and just think for a second completely breaks down a person, self realization. I think everyone in there is always insecure, it’s just how people were raised. Everyone goes to their own shit. The hardest thing to realize about myself personally is that I have trust issues and most of the accounts for my parents divorce, my stepmom, my step brother. For my past I am sorry but for the future me I hope you hang in there.